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    How to Win Friends and Influence People

    Dale Carnegie

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    Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t
    condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant,
    exceptional people even try to do that.
    There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason -
    and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put
    yourself in his place.
    If you say to yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?”
    you will save yourself time and irritation, for “by becoming interested in the cause, we
    are less likely to dislike the effect.” And, in addition, you will sharply increase your
    skill in human relationships.
    “Stop a minute,” says Kenneth M. Goode in his book How to Turn People Into Gold, “stop
    a minute to contrast your keen interest in your own affairs with your mild concern
    about anything else. Realize then, that everybody else in the world feels exactly the
    same way! Then, along with Lincoln and Roosevelt, you will have grasped the only
    solid foundation for interpersonal relationships; namely, that success in dealing with
    people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons’ viewpoint.”
    Sam Douglas of Hempstead, New York, used to tell his wife that she spent too much
    time working on their lawn, pulling weeds, fertilizing, cutting the grass twice a week
    when the lawn didn’t look any better than it had when they moved into their home
    four years earlier. Naturally, she was distressed by his remarks, and each time he made
    such remarks the balance of the evening was ruined.
    After taking our course, Mr. Douglas realized how foolish he had been all those years.
    It never occurred to him that she enjoyed doing that work and she might really
    appreciate a compliment on her diligence.